( rock music plays ) ( school bell rings ) ( grunting ) ( groans ) ( panting ) ( sighs ) I've made it. And now that I reached my locker, I can finally unload some of these completely outdated and technologically insufficient books. ( clanging ) Huh? What the...? Max: Oh, they're tiny. James: Why, Max? Why are the lockers so small? Um, apparently they had to expand the trophy case to make room for all the participation trophies. Participation trophies? Those things have literally ruined society. Trophies used to mean something, Max. They were a way to signify the best. First place in the spelling bee, most three-pointers in a game... Well, I-- I got a trophy once for shoving the most marbles up my nose. A true talent. ( gasps ) That's what the emergency surgeon said! Well, now your trophy's worthless. ( yelps ) Why? Because today, everyone gets a trophy, which means everyone's the best, which isn't possible, which means we live in a world where trophies are completely without value. If I ever find the guy who-- A D?! Oh, you gave me a D, Mr. McFly? You trying to ruin my rep? ( grunts ) I'll let you get back to teaching when you give me an F! ( grunting ) Oh, poor Mr. McFly. What? Didn't you see? Stuart's bullying him. Well, I hope Stuart's not expecting an award for being the best bully. ( grunts ) ( dramatic music plays ) ( grunting ) No! ( groans ) ( grunts ) We're walking up to him right now, he's fine, he's fine, back off! ( groans ) Move! ( students scream ) ( gasps ) ( gasps ) ( exclaims ) Oh, you saved me. You saved me. That is the nicest thing a student has ever done. You will get an award for this. ( dramatic music plays ) ( Mr. McFly clears throat ) For bravery in a hallway or other school path of travel, I award James with the Nicest Person trophy. ( students gasp, cheer ) Students: Nicest person! Nicest person! What?! Um, thanks? This, uh, this means so much to me. But I thought you said trophies were really bad-- James: Forget everything I said, Max. Trophies are great. Huh, I never thought about it that way. ( airhorn blows ) ( students cheer ) students chanting: James! James! James! James! James! Whoa! ( groans ) ( rock music plays ) ( slurping loudly ) So, when I saw Stuart bullying Mr. McFly, I launched a trophy at him with pinpoint accuracy, saving everyone's favorite teacher. ( slurping loudly ) And that's why I'm the nicest person. ( slurping loudly ) ( burps ) ( sighs ) Nothing like the taste of a shake from a trophy cup. How can you be so relaxed? Stuart is gonna beat the snot out of you. Because, Max, I'm the nicest person. You can't hurt me. The people wouldn't stand for it. Maybe it's because we don't have trophies in the future, but isn't this just a shiny cup? ( bells tinkling ) ( chuckles ) No. No, no, no, no, no. A trophy is so much more. I honestly don't know how I lived without this piece of shiny plastic to feed my narcissism. How is it more? You drink out of it. I drink out of my cup, too. You misunderstand. I earned this. So? I earned my cup. No, you paid for your cup. Yeah, with money I earned convincing Max he owed me money in the future. She said, if I start paying it off now, I get to pay more interest later. What is that? I wanted to be a part of the cup fun. Ooh! James: This isn't fun, Max, it's an argument. Oh, yeah. James: And that's not a cup. That's a flower pot. Yeah! Oh, so Max's cup is no good either. This isn't about the cup. It's about the meaning of the cup... Oh! ...which is that I'm the nicest. Your cup is a worthless piece of garbage. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to take a self-satisfying chug from my cup. ( gasps ) ( slow-motion ) No! ( slurps loudly ) ( swallows ) Well, if you're so nice, why'd you drink that kid? It's more than the cup! Wait, what now? You drank Stuart, man. ( stomach grumbles ) ( rock music plays ) Stuart: Oh! Oh, no! ( grunts ) ( swallows ) Eh, no big. You're gonna leave Stuart inside you? Why wouldn't I? I'm the Nicest Person. He can't hurt me. My niceness is way stronger than his bully energy. ( stomach grumbles ) Yeah, right. Oh, I'm gonna make everybody hate you so they take your trophy away. ( echoes ) ( growls ) ( grunting ) ( screams ) If you admit my cup's as good as yours, I'll get him out for you. No way. My niceness will overcome. Aren't you gonna clean that up? What? No, I got the Nicest Person award, not the Best Waiter award. Oi, oi, oi, oi. ( airhorn blows ) What, what! ( groans ) Oh, my ball. Looks like a job for Dirt's Nicest Person. Max, elevation, please. ( slide whistle blows ) ( sighs ) ( airhorn blows ) ( rock music plays ) Oi, oi, oi. Hey, everyone, look at me. I'm the nice kid. Ha! ( stomach grumbles ) ( grunts ) ( Stuart laughs maniacally ) ( sobs ) ( gasps ) Wait, that wasn't me! Yes, it was. You wanna praise my cup now, or wait until you're a shell of yourself, being manipulated to set the entire town on fire? Please. We set the town ablaze in the other episode. No way we'd do that again. My niceness will reign supreme. ( airhorn blows ) Yeah, baby! Woo-hoo! Non-copyrighted Troop Organization cookies. I read about these on the Food Web. Well, today's your lucky day to try them, because I'm gonna hook you up. Aw! ( rock music plays ) ( chomps loudly ) No, I will not let you ruin Echo's first cookie, even if her choice is just tasteless shortbread. ( cash register dings ) Money. Try again. Stuart: Oh, no, you don't! Stuart: Oh, no, you don't! ( grunting ) ( chomping loudly ) ( airhorn blows ) ( chomps loudly ) And to think, I thought Stuart being inside you was a bad idea. It's delicious! ( both cry ) ( wails ) ( airhorn blows ) ( Stuart screams ) ( grunts ) Oh! Ow! I don't understand it. How can a bully control me? I'm the Nicest Person. I can't do anything bad. Have you never seen a horror movie? You give a demon permission to stay, you're handing them the keys to the kingdom. But I'm the Nicest Person. You can say it as much as you want, but if you want it to be true, you should probably stop giving that dude a wedgie. ( grunting ) ( gasps ) They'll take my trophy away. Oh! Go on, 'git. ( grunts ) ( grunts ) Yeah! ( airhorn blows ) Oh, they will take your cup away. Unless you accept my help, but that's gonna cost you declaring my cup the superior cup. Oh, look at that. Stairs still here. I'll prove I can do this. James, wait! Wait, hold on. Allow me. ( indistinct muttering ) Fine. ( bell tolls ) Stuart: Pushy, pushy. Where did all these people come from? I don't trust you. ( both grunting ) ( indistinct muttering ) ( both munching loudly ) ( grunting ) ( laughs ) ( grunting ) No! I can do this! Left foot, right foot. ( grunting ) Well, that took forever. Yes! I'm still the Nicest Person! Aw! ( rock music plays ) Stuart: Fore! ( crash ) old woman: I'm okay! No one cares. Fine. Your cup is the superior cup, okay? Yes, I win! And... garbage. What the-- I thought you wanted your cup in the trophy case. Nah. I told you, we don't have trophies in the future. I really just wanted to see how far you'd take this. Totally worth it. Well, now that I've been put through the wringer for your amusement, ( inhales ) get Stuart out of me before my trophy gets taken away! Sure. One bully exorcism coming up. ( grunts ) Have you ever done an exorcism? Oh, yeah, totally. In the future, they teach it in elementary school. ( eerie music plays ) James: Ooh! Ah! Ooh! ( grunts ) My body can't squish like yours. Stuart: Oh, I know. ( laughs ) It's hilarious. ( laughs ) ( screams ) The first step of this exorcism is to weaken the demon, A.K.A. Stuart, with a reading. ( screams ) Step two is to make him want to leave your body. Basically, we're gonna drive Stuart nuts. Stuart laughs: Oh, you think you can out-bully a bully? James: What's the final step? Is that when we exercise? I need a change of clothes! Every bully has a hole in their heart. James: Ugh, gross. And if you can figure out what will fill it, they'll move on. Heart? You think Stuart has a heart? There's nothing inside but anger, and rage, and... ( smacks lips ) and possibly bacon. You better figure out how to fill Stuart's heart hole by the time we get to step three... Ew. ...or he's gonna be controlling you the rest of your life. ( door opens ) Max: I'm ready! ( thunder rumbles ) Let's exercise. ( dramatic music plays ) ( grunting ) ( thunder rumbling ) Okay, Max. Step one is to drive Stuart nuts. A reading from a sacred text. Poopsy Whoops and the Kitty Carnival. ( thunder rumbling ) Stuart: Oh, no! ( grunts ) Pre-school books are for little idiots! Poopsy Whoops was a kwitty kwat. ( grunting ) Poopsy Whoops wore a fur hat. Stuart: Oh, it makes no sense! He's covered in fur! How, how is this a best seller?! ( screams ) ( thunder rumbling ) ( ticking ) ( thunder rumbling ) ( grunting ) ( snores ) Whoa! Now, phase two. Unlivable host. Which hot sauce do you want to start with? Badonka Burner or Rectal Fry? ( laughs ) Oh, hilarious names, but, no, I'm-- I'm not into that. Stuart screams: Ah, no! It burns my everything! James: It burns my everything, too! Good, that means it's working. Let's kick it up a notch. ( bell tolls ) ( gasps ) ( screams ) ( gurgling ) ( thunder rumbles ) ( birds chirping ) Okay, what's next? The final step. All right, James, time to fill Stuart's heart hole. Ew, gross. And, uh, I got nothing. What? I told you-- I know what you told me, but Stuart's seriously got nothing inside him, minus pieces of me he ate, which kind of means we're now some insane form of turducken. Without it, we can't defeat him. Stuart: Which means... ( grunts ) you can't stop me! Huzzah! Oh, no! My buddy's body! ( screams ) ( grunts ) Ah! He threw me! And I'm in a cage! Hey, don't mistreat Max. He still owes me money. ( grunts ) ( vomits ) ( grunts ) ( screams ) ( grunts ) ( screams ) ( grunts ) ( panting ) Oh, everyone just hated me for pummeling Mr. McFly. So that's what I'm gonna do now, as James. ( chuckles ) No way they'd let him keep his trophy. Watch me go! Whoo! Bam! ( buzzing ) Morning, James. How's our town's Nicest Person? ( thunder rumbling ) Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! ( honks ) ( squeals ) ( screams ) ( screams ) ( screams ) ( sentimental music plays ) ( heart beating ) Oh, my gosh, Stuart. That's it. A trophy. Stuart: What are you talking about? Your heart hole. Ew, gross. I know how to fill it. Just now, I felt how you feel every time you pass the trophy case, unrecognized and overlooked. For best bullying in a school or playground, I award Stuart with the Worst Person trophy. ( whimpers ) ( wails ) ( wails ) ( crash ) Do not take his trophy! Oh, you already solved the problem, huh? Mm-hmm. Yep. All good. Okay. ( cries ) It feels so good to be recognized for my contributions. ( sniffles ) I'd like to thank McFly for being so weak. Well, uh... ( chuckles ) uh, thank you. Oh, and James, thanks for having such a big head. Oh, and Rudy, oh, well, without you, I wouldn't have had the opportunity to create the art of wedgie. Oh, still picking out those acorns, huh? ( cut-off music plays ) Hey. Hey, don't put the music over me. I still got things to say. Don't put the music over me! Well done, James, well done. Though, I guess we need to get you a new trophy. No, thanks. Being nice was actually pretty horrible. Oh, then, I guess all's well that ends well. Yup. Wait, did I just award bullying? Stuart: Bingo! ( upbeat music plays )
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